A week ago, I got a call from my friend, Peter, asking for information on how I did my book launch last year. He was super inspired by what I had put together with women reading passages from the book as well as musicians rocking the house. Over 70 people in our community rallied at the local coffee shop and turned it into a huge celebration. He shared that he was feeling so vulnerable in putting his book out there and asking everyone to come to his launch.
When I was pregnant, I felt like I was going through a tunnel. I knew there was some new world on the other side, and I could see a little bit of the light, but it was incomprehensible at that time. I was excited, scared, apprehensive, giddy and sad all at once.
Sad because my old life was quickly disappearing. Excited and giddy at the new possibilities. Scared and apprehensive that I would be a huge failure.
I didn’t get clear I wanted to even be a mother until I was 33 and got pregnant exactly a year later. I had it that being a mother was not enough. I valued my work more than family for the decade leading up to my pregnancy and didn’t want to be like my own mother who gave everything up to have me.
As women have gone into the workforce over the past century, our culture as a whole has devalued motherhood and the feminine in general. Many of my friends are afraid of giving up their lifestyle and their career to have children. More and more women are waiting until they are in their late thirties and forties if at all.
I remember being so excited every time my friend had a baby. I couldn’t wait to go over for that first meeting, but also had so much apprehension come up of not wanting to be a burden. I would get a little hurt if my friend didn’t invite me over right away.
Now that I’ve had my own baby, I am embarrassed about my behavior toward my mama friends. I was completely oblivious to what they were going through. I developed so much compassion for my own friends who were also clueless when they came to see my baby and wish I had been able to give some guidelines for them to know how to best support me.
Here’s the thing: while you want to see the baby, the mama may really need you to show up for her, not the baby.
She just went through the most difficult moment of her life. If she was anything like me, she was wiped out, depleted, exhausted and maybe even nursing an injury.
I thought I was ready.
For weeks, I visualized her coming through the birth canal. I saw myself powerfully “breathing her out.”
I had done the work:
10 days of silent meditation during my 35th week of pregnancy.
Chiropractic care every week for 4 months.
Swimming days before I went into labor.
I was healthy. Strong. And according to my midwife, had a really spacious birth canal for delivery.
32 weeks pregnant today … Two months until my little girl arrives!
Here are the top 10 things I’m experiencing in the home stretch:
1) I love Tums.
2) I’m thirsty as hell. Apparently this is due to the massive blood expansion happening as she is in a huge growth spurt so it feels like I can’t get enough water. Yesterday I added coconut water to my fridge.