lesson from the Sistership Circle Festival

Tonight was so off the charts that I can’t sleep! I’m going through the photos and am in love with each and every person who showed up for one of the most powerful events I’ve hosted in my career.

The irony …

At about 2pm, I had a string of messages coming in from people telling me they couldn’t make it. Each one that came through felt like a stab to my heart and by 3pm, I was in tears. This had been happening all week and with my pregnancy hormones raging, I couldn’t help but feel down.

I was agitated the entire ride over and when Debbie Lichter called me to tell me she was running late due to traffic, I couldn’t hide my frustration. “You sound down,” she commented. And I told her yes, I was down and explained what had been happening all day. She responded, “It’s going to be perfect. I’m bringing some yummy energy with me tonight and this event is going to be so amazing, I can just feel it!”

A few minutes later, I entered the space and my whole body started to relax. The energy from the last event still lingered. I felt my center. I felt my excitement. It was perfect. Brent commented to me: “Didn’t you say that you didn’t have enough space for everyone?” And sure enough, as we set up the backjacks, there was just enough space for the people who confirmed.

I knew this all along, that it was perfect and there was nothing wrong with anyone cancelling – the day before or an hour before – and I also realized that even knowing it is all perfect and trusting the flow of things, I still can feel angry, sad, disappointed, frustrated, agitated and/or upset.

To hide those emotions, cover them up, deny them, would be inauthentic.

To feel those emotions, express them, acknowledge them, allows me to let them move through, would be access to a release.

Interestingly, that was one of the themes of the shares during the event: the challenge of playing the full range, feeling the intensity of anger as a man, being vulnerable and expressing the ugly.

And as I write this, I don’t feel any of those feelings that I felt this afternoon. It’s as if they never happened. Because they are impermanent. I didn’t stuff them down to resurface later. I felt them fully. And I let them go. I hold nothing against anyone, I simply don’t have it in me to hold something against someone or to blame anyone for anything anymore. The truth is: there is nothing ever wrong, it is never anyone’s fault, and everything is exactly as it is supposed to be. TRUST. SURRENDER. ALLOW. BE.