Secrets of the baby whisperer

I love when I find books at exactly the right time with exactly the right message.

Secrets of the Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg is one of the those books.

What’s been freaking me out lately is the idea of nursing. And to be specific, that I won’t be able to. I’ve heard that most women give up after 6 weeks.

I have been reading an empowering book on nursing, but I realized it is deeper …

I’m afraid of absolutely failing the entire first month of the baby arriving.

All weekend, I stayed either in bed or on the couch, watching TV and desperately craving a good book to read. So when I picked up Tracy’s book, I couldn’t put it down.

Continue reading…

entering third trimester

As I move into the third trimester, I feel myself cocooning.

You have to let go of, my body tells me. You have to say no even though it may hurt people. You have to honor yourself and what feels good above all else. You have to stop and rest.

And most of all, you have to trust. Trust that this is all for something bigger than yourself. Trust that you will be supported by God and by the people in your life.

She needs you. She chose you to be her universe right now. There is nothing else for you to do but be her world.

And for the commitments you show up for, be that space of allowing, receiving, emptying out. The infinite expansion of the universe that you are. Allow that to inspire you, fuel you, hold you as you open yourself up to be the space of her everything.

anemic

So glad to find out today at my midwife appointment that I am anemic … So I now know how to take care of myself and why I had a headache and was so exhausted. Thanks Laura Swan for the tip on eating buffalo.

listening

Less than a minute after I hit POST on Facebook this morning about being exhausted, my phone rang. It was Jyoti Conradi and the first thing out of her mouth was about me listening to my body if I get tired (with no prior knowledge of my post). Then she said something that hit me at my core:

“You are this little girl’s universe and she is going to give you messages of how to nurture her purpose that she is coming in for. Your job is to pay attention so when you get tired, be still and listen.”

All day, I was the space for listening.

At Sistership Circle tonight, it was the final week 12 and when I felt it was time, I invited the women to join the next circle. I listened to the concerns of the women on the fence. And what they asked for was Sistership Circle Level 2 (aka Sistership on the Edge, Sistership Council and the joke name, Sistership on Crack). While I had heard other women talk about the need for Level 2, I couldn’t quite vision it. Until tonight. It was so clear that Level 2 would be a co-creation, just as Level 1 was. And this group of women would be the midwives for it.

Talk about co-creation. I am so present to how Little Be is a guide for me as much as I am her universe right now. She is opening me up to whole new possibilities and the next level of embodying feminine leadership. Level 2 of course feels so appropriate for what’s next in my own life.

Thank you Caroline Wogan Andrews, Jolie Dawn, Erinn McMurtrie, Misty Silva Jenneiahn, Jenna Carpenter, Psalm Pollock, Heather Shott, Claudia Haskin, Giovanna Maimone, Chelsea Rose Krolicki and Elena Stasik for leaning into this conversation with me. Together, we birth a whole new level of what’s possible in sisterhood. Get ready to go much, much deeper.

postponing the wedding planning

Another layer: I’ve let go of planning my wedding right now.

When Jodi asked me about it yesterday, I got really agitated and then started crying. I realized that I have been caught up in “I have to set the date and get the venue now so I don’t lose out on what I want” but I don’t even know what I want for my wedding.

And everything could change when the baby comes.

My deepest fear around my wedding is feeling bored, disconnected and unfulfilled, like I wasted a bunch of money and resources. That I will feel like it is no longer for me but about everyone else. A show, an ego trip, to please everyone else’s desires for me instead of what Brent and I want for us.

The truth is, I’ve been focused on “fixing” this fear to avoid what’s really there: the fears around becoming a mother.

“If only I feel good about my wedding and get that sorted, I will feel better about the baby.”

So when I let go of planning my wedding until AFTER the baby, I sobbed in Jodi’s arms. Allowing myself to feel yet another layer of fear around the baby coming.

What if we get apathetic and don’t want to have a wedding after the baby?

What if our relationship falls apart?

Will I go unconscious as a mother and lose myself?

Will I be able to do this?

Will I go insane? Can I handle it?

Natural fears, I know, but this isn’t about the mind rationalizing it to make it all better. Millions of women have done it already and knowing that, I still feel all of this.

And that’s ok. Allowing, once again, what’s really there, right underneath the surface. If only we all gave ourselves permission to be ok with fear, pain, and grief that is a natural part of being human.