I love when I find books at exactly the right time with exactly the right message.
Secrets of the Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg is one of the those books.
What’s been freaking me out lately is the idea of nursing. And to be specific, that I won’t be able to. I’ve heard that most women give up after 6 weeks.
I have been reading an empowering book on nursing, but I realized it is deeper …
I’m afraid of absolutely failing the entire first month of the baby arriving.
All weekend, I stayed either in bed or on the couch, watching TV and desperately craving a good book to read. So when I picked up Tracy’s book, I couldn’t put it down.
The resonance is so strong that I know deep in my heart and soul that this is the right parenting “guide” for me.
You hear so many different methods and styles and do’s and don’t’s that it can get overwhelming. No wonder women are freaked out about being a “bad” and ineffective mother.
Tracy’s approach is to listen and she teaches you exactly how.
There is one passage in particular that I resonated with:
“Your baby needs to develop his or her “voice.” All parents want their children to be expressive – that is, to be able to ask for what they need and to talk about their feelings. Unfortunately, many mums and dads wait until a child begins to develop verbal language to start teaching this all-important skill. However, the roots of expression are laid in early infancy, when babies first start to “converse” with us through their coos and cries.” (p. 67-8)
Over the past year, I had been studying childhood development from 0-7 years old with an embodied process I personally went through called Releasing the Past. We underestimate and do not fully comprehend how significant the first few months of a person’s life are. This is when the subconscious is developed. We are literally “programming” this person as soon as they come out of the womb.
No wonder there is so much shame to speak up, so much frustration of not feeling understood and heard! It stems from the earliest stage of development and this is why it is so hard to reprogram something that is so ingrained on a cellular memory. All an infant can do is FEEL so this is not something a person can logically try to change.
What I love about Tracy is how she comes from treating babies with RESPECT like people. What a different world it would be if people were raised with respect and didn’t feel the urge to prove that they deserved it, always looking for it, because they embodied it on a subconscious level.
Tracy continues, “Bearing this in mind, consider what happens when in response to every cry a mum always lifts her little one to her breast or puts a pacifier in his mouth. It not only takes away the baby’s voice — essentially “dumbing” him up (which is why we Brits call pacifiers dummies) — but unwittingly trains him to not ask for help, After all, each different cry is a request from your baby that says, “Meet me need.” Now, I doubt you cram a sock into your partner’s mouth when he says, “I’m tired.” Essentially, though, that’s what we do to a baby if we just shove something in his mouth rather than holding back a sec and listening to what he’s saying.
“The worst part of this is that by rushing in, a parent unwittingly trains her infant not to have a voice.”
This is in alignment with everything that I teach.
Sistership Circle is based on this distinction: to LISTEN and seek to understand. This is why women love Sistership Circle because for the first time in their lives, there is no feedback, no commentary, no suggestion, no solutions. Just a circle of women listening.
With Releasing the Past, we have 5 core childhood learnings, one being “Expressing Needs and Wants” to help someone reprogram this fundamental skill that was shut down in infancy.
For a full year, I reprogrammed myself. I found my voice. I found my self-expression. I found my worth. And then, I got pregnant.
I re-parented myself, I crossed the threshold to spiritual adult, and in the process, learned specific tools that would enable me to effective parent the little girl whose soul had a contract with mine. She came because I was ready for her. She came because I was healed.
I feel empowered, at peace and confident that I will be able to successfully parent my infant. To treat her with respect as an old soul reuniting with mine. To listen to her and understand her. I have the skills. I have the resources.
I’m sure I will have another freak out, a moment of contracting in fear, a doubt surface again. I’m sure I will cry when she arrives, get overwhelmed and feel like a failure.
But I know myself as someone who can shift out of any state instantly. I am someone who creates new realities. I am someone who has overcome adversity. I have done the work, I am supported and I trust it all.
She trusts me. Otherwise she wouldn’t have chosen me. She’s coming because of who I am. May that be my guiding light.