Surrender … again and again

I’ve been experiencing overwhelm lately, like the clock is ticking, and that I’m going to get it wrong when the timer goes off. I notice the desire to be perfect coming up. I notice the need to make it work boiling in my blood. I notice the fear that I’m not going to be able to handle it all and that I’ve got less than 4 months left to do it all.

And I’ve been exhausted. Baby growing. Belly aching from getting stretched. Hormones raging, patience waning, temper set off very easily, sleeping dragon ready to breathe fire at any moment.

And then I remember who I am. I remember the truth. I remember to trust. And I let go. I catch myself. I take a deep breath. I take a nap.

The biggest lesson of this year has been to surrender and this baby-making process takes it deeper every day. To stop trying to control everything. To trust that life works, it always has, it always will, and there is always a bigger plan that I am part of that always turns out perfect. In this sense, I am perfect, I am doing nothing wrong, it is already working, I just need to be.

Thank you Baby Be for being my greatest teacher. I can’t wait til you start kicking and I can’t wait to find out if you are a boy or a girl and I can’t wait to meet you and … What a precious life you are.