Today marks a shift in the Tribal Truth dialogue. Today starts a conversation between women and men in creating tribe.
For the past 3 years, I have written to my sisters.
And over the course of this period, men have asked to be included. I was ambivalent. I said, “well, we won’t invite you but we won’t turn you away if you show up at the door.”
I felt like the protector creating safe space for women to be vulnerable with one another.
To be honest, I’m tired of being that structure. At Longdance in September, when the men held space for us women, I yearned for that type of support in Tribal Truth.
What if the men held the container and I could just simply show up and lead?
But something didn’t feel right about that either.
I had a little bit of victim/martyr energy around it that said, “I’m exhausted, come save me.”
It felt like old model. I’m tired of that conversation. I want real partnership.
As I prepare for Sunday’s Honoring The Masculine event, I have had numerous conversations about my relationship with the masculine.
I began to look honestly at some of my blocks and fears and how I’ve inherited a belief system that’s disempowering.
Here are a few disempowering conversations that I am giving voice to:
1. I want my knight in shining armor to ride up on his white horse and sweep me off my feet.
2. But when that knight shows up and sweeps me off my feet, I don’t really want to lose control. I want to be in control at the reins.
3. I don’t ask for what I need because most of the time, I’m afraid of being rejected. So I pretend I don’t know what I need.
4. I have a hard time saying no and then I regret it later. I get pissed at you but mainly at myself.
5. I lose my voice with men because I don’t think I can stand my ground. I will get out-argued. I will most likely lose.
6. I attract men who “need” me, feeding my “self-worth” because I get to play the martyr. Am I worthy of having a man support me in being a visionary leader in the world? Or am I just “too much”? It’s much safer being the one needed vs. being vulnerable in asking for support.
This is all my ego talking coming from the old model of fear and scarcity. Victim.
But when I sit back into divine surrender and celebrate the masculine, I think of all the amazing men in my life and all the amazing traits of the masculine.
I think about how my dad and brother were about to get on the first plane to NYC when my ex-boyfriend was threatening and abusive. All I needed to do was say COME.
I think about what an amazing father my brother is, doing everything he can to provide for his wife. Loving his 9 month old daughter so much.
I think about how many times I’ve asked men in my life to show up and help me with something — moving furniture or giving me a hand — and they drop everything to be there. Immediately.
I think about the beauty in the masculine — the structure, the results, the drive and determination, the courage, the physical strength. The loyalty. The love.
I think about how much I’ve relied on my own masculine to get where I am today.
And I realize that my 6 points above are bullshit. So I choose an empowering belief system:
Trust the divine.
Accept both the masculine and feminine within myself.
Accept men for who they are and who they are not.
Accept others for their differences.
For love. For unity. For connection.
The time is now to acknowledge the fear. To admit we don’t feel safe. To be ok with feeling hurt and wounded. It’s only when we can tell the truth about the fears that we can let go and create something new together.
I see the purpose of women gathering in circle is to fill our cup and connect. To find strength in our feminine power together. Once we are filled up, we can then serve.
But we cannot do it alone. We cannot leave our men behind. Now is the time to share our hearts with one another.
Now is the time for integration and unity.
I know … it is so hard to speak our truth, especially when we feel unsafe. But how can we create partnership with our men if we keep running away and avoid being seen and heard in our radiant beauty?
The change that we seek in the world will only come when we be with our fears, be with that which is so uncomfortable. To take action despite the danger and adversity.
This is the type of co-creative leadership that is so desperately needed in the world.
The question remains: are you willing to open and share your heart despite the risk?
If you are a YES, mark your name on the comments below. Share your insights. Let’s build this community!