Year in Review (Part 2)

I received a ton of positive feedback about last week’s Year in Review and I decided that I needed to continue to share my process of completion of 2014 and the creation of 2015, making this a series.

After doing the Year in Review where I went month by month through the year to tease out highlights and lessons, something still felt incomplete.

So I asked myself the question: what’s still incomplete from 2014? What are you still beating yourself up about? Then I went through the categories of my life to see what was still there in the shadows.

This serves two purposes:

1) To make sure you don’t create 2015 on top of mud and make sure you are clear on what sabotaging behavior may affect you in 2015
2) As a launching point to see what you may want to work on or create in 2015

After writing these down, I felt a lot of agitation. This is good. I got to really address my blocks and look deeper within myself. These are my “stretch” areas. The areas where I still have resistance.

Since this is what’s alive for me right now, I’m going to free-flow write, not passing judgment, analyzing, making excuses or trying to fix.

HEALTH

That damn sugar addiction just won’t go away.

I’ve struggled with emotional eating during the last trimester of my pregnancy. I was doing so well for a while without sugar and then went back.

My attitude was “Fuck it, it feels good.” Followed by guilt about the effects on the baby.

I experience major cravings, especially in the evening. I’m constantly fighting against it.

Where is the root?
Lack of self-care and healthy self-soothing.
Lack of a strong meditation and yoga practice.
Depriving myself of other pleasurable activities like massage.

BUSINESS

I have a pattern of holding myself back from shining.

In March, I came out with my book, but then created another version of my old business. It feels different in the way I am approaching it with a focus on training facilitators, a proven curriculum, and an emphasis on sustainability. So no, it is not the same thing, it has evolved. But it is feeling constrictive.

I’m torn between feeling like this is my legacy and also that I’m supposed to step out from behind the facilitator role.

Keep getting the pull on my heart to step into the teacher role. This feels like my soul calling. To be speaking, lecturing, writing more books. Almost like a university professor (I love academia) but in a motivational way.

Where is the root?
Fear of my voice not mattering.
Feeling unoriginal and lacking innovation.
Comfort in my zone of excellent and uncomfortable stepping into my zone of genius.
It’s an upper limit.

RELATIONSHIP

I’m not empowering my partner with the way I ask for what I need/want.

I feel like a nag. I get mad or upset if he doesn’t do what I need/want instead of asking in a way that is enrolling and empowering.

As a result, it triggers him to feel like he’s not doing enough. He feels like he can’t make me happy and can’t satisfy me.

I can see from doing Allison Armstrong’s work that this is a big mistake (not having an effective “needs” conversation) that women make and yet I’m caught in it.

Where is the root?
What comes up for me is feeling old admonitions of “you are too much,” “men don’t have capacity to hold you,” “you’re too needy,” “you’re not worth it,” “you’ll never be satisfied.”

MONEY

I have credit card debt. Have not been conscious of my money flowing in and out. No budget.

In December, I started reading Tony Robbins’ book Money: Master The Game and immediately implemented his first step: saving 10% of every dollar I earn.

I’m noticing the stack of paperwork and receipts that I started to go through in my office sitting in the corner.

I have not created a system where I keep my finances organized on a weekly basis.

I want a filing system.
I want to be diligent and consistent about saving, budgeting, spending.
I want to take action in this area to stay organized and on top of my numbers despite the tiredness that shows up as resistance.

I don’t worry about money any more. I feel this trust that I am taken care of. Money manifests pretty instantly for me when I need it and get intentional about it. And … what else is possible? What’s the next level? Saving, planning. Having this extraordinary, smart and savvy relationship with money as if it were my lover and best friend.

Where is the root?
Rely on someone else to save you and take care of you financially.
Feel like it is never enough no matter how much you earn.
Budgets don’t work.
Feel out of control about your money.